Sunday, February 19, 2012

Did Not Finish

Cross Timbers Trail Marathon
Feb. 18, 2012


Did Not Finish.

Did not want to hear people encouraging me as I’m taking my walk of shame to the next aid station.

But I did not want to make things worse.

Did not want to think about what could have been.

Did not want to admit to myself that I made a bad choice even signing up for 26.2 when on Monday, I couldn’t walk without pain.

But most importantly, I do not want to screw up Zion.

My head says this was the right thing to do. I have no regrets. But why am I sulking?

It’s day one and I’m already irrational and pissy. Every time I get up and my knee aches, I’m reminded as to what I can’t do today.

Over the past few weeks, I was whining about running Cowtown and RnR NOLA. The thought of a road marathon was turning my stomach. But now that I can’t because I’m injured, I’m a little ticked.

Can’t and don’t want to are two different emotions. Right now I want what I can’t have. I want to run. And I can’t.

The problem with being driven and passionate sometimes is that you don’t put limits on yourself. Your mind and your desires push your body harder than you should. And rational thinking doesn’t apply until it’s a little too late.

It’s taken me awhile but I think I’m finally learning when to push my limits and knowing my limits.

That said, no races prior to Zion. Races are a great way to get miles in. But I’ve learned that there is no “training race” for me. I’ll push hard the second I toe that line. After this knee is back to normal, I’m focusing on quality training, not racing to get the miles in.

See you on the trails...after a little pool time.

5 comments:

  1. DNFs fuck with your head no mater what! People will tell you over and over that you made the right call, but it doesn't make it any easier. Take care of that knee.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can empathize. I took my first DNF last weekend. It sucked. But it taught me that you learn so much more from something like that than from everything going to plan. I think you know this too. Good luck with your recovery.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've often wondered how I would deal with a DNF - whether or not it was the smart or right thing... I know my day will come especially with ultras. I think it's ok to piss and moan a bit... get it out of your system. But ultimately, we are going to have a kick-ass, injury-free time in Zion... and just say the word if you need some long run company.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have a DNF sticker on my car. It's the only sticker I've ever put on my car and one of the smartest things I've ever done. I can't wait for Zion it's gonna be awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I completely understand...DNF's mess you up mentally...been there done that. Smart call, you will be back soon enough kicking some serious ass on the trails!

    ReplyDelete